Rihanna is a shit and can't play music and I know this is true because I was walking down the streets with her one day and I asked her can you play music and she said no so then I got Chris Brown to come along and punch her in the face.
In all seriousness Rihanna is an absolutely terrible musician who really isn't good at all, I saw her live on this T.V show and she was singing so badly that it didn't even look like she was singing, she stole everybody's belongings after the T.V show and got home and when she was at home she used them all and laughed at what she did. She is a fucking slut.
I hate her and you can't say you haven't met her so how can you say you hate her Haydn, because I met her at a festival and she told me to fuck off then one of her security guards came up to me and threatened to stab me in the chest. This is a true story.
Sorry this post is a short one because I really need a shit so goodbye.
Tuesday 27 November 2012
Monday 1 October 2012
Crash Bandicoot is the fucking dog's bollocks.
Crash Bandicoot is a fucking great game and I love playing it because Crash is an absolute fucking lad for loads of reasons. He went on a night out drinking once with all his lad friends like the hullabugga mask or whatever and that chick who is always on the bonus levels and they did loads of heroin and crack cocaine together because he is a lad and doing drugs are really cool. Doing drugs are good because everyone does them. Pete Doherty snorted cocaine and smoked heroin and that got him loads of friends, his closest friend in the 1980's was this person called Max Powers, who he loved so much, Max would follow him around and film him doing everything including private activities like having a shit in the toilet or going shopping. Max Powers once filmed Pete Doherty going shopping and Pete Doherty got loads of publicity for it as everybody found it really interesting to watch Pete Doherty taking loads of groceries one day and just buying them IN HIS TROLLEY!!!!! because that's what normal people do.
Anyway back to Crash, Crash bandicoot took loads of drugs with his friends and started walking around the place going "I'm so fucking Crashed maan" which is funny cause his name is actually Crash. He managed to wander around and just through up everywhere and he was smiling all over the place because he was happy cause he was with his best friend the hullabugga mask and his girlfriend from the bonus round. But unfortunately that night he beat up the chinese girl from the third level in crash because she kept on pushing him off and now he's in prison.
I hope you enjoy reading this and don't do drugs folks or you might end up in jail like crash.
Anyway back to Crash, Crash bandicoot took loads of drugs with his friends and started walking around the place going "I'm so fucking Crashed maan" which is funny cause his name is actually Crash. He managed to wander around and just through up everywhere and he was smiling all over the place because he was happy cause he was with his best friend the hullabugga mask and his girlfriend from the bonus round. But unfortunately that night he beat up the chinese girl from the third level in crash because she kept on pushing him off and now he's in prison.
I hope you enjoy reading this and don't do drugs folks or you might end up in jail like crash.
Saturday 30 June 2012
Nick Clegg and David Cameron news story
Oh my god did you hear this news story about Nick Clegg and David Cameron?
One day Nick Clegg was sitting in the bath washing himself and he heard someone knocking on the door and then he said come in and then the person opened the door and it was his friend David Cameron completely naked. Nick Clegg smiled at David Cameron then other things happened which I can't say on here beause this website is rated U. Nick Clegg then woke up in the bath and actually found out that he was holding this battered sausage that he was in the middle of eating but didn't actually manage to finished because he drifted off to sleep.
He started crying a bit then there was another knock on the door, he said open up again and it was David Cameron and again he was completely naked, David Cameron was grinning from ear to ear then he said to Nick Clegg "I want you to do things to me baby" but Nick Clegg refused because he said that he had a wife, children, and was brought up with better morals than that.
He then woke up again and realised that he was still actually in the bath and nothing like that was happening. There was another knock on the door and it was David Cameron again and this time it wasn't a dream. This time David Cameron was pissing himself laughing whist pointing at Nick Cameron and then David Cameron said "Haha I drugged you with sleeping pills" he also pointed at a hidden camera in the corner of the bathroom which Nick Clegg didn't even notice. David Cameron then told Nick Clegg that he and Nick Cleggs wife were watching him have his dreams in a secret room Nick Clegg got out of the bath and got dressed then he pointed at David Cameron and said "Well I don't give a dam I've got an interview with O.K magazine in like 10 minutes see ya"
Nick Clegg stormed off in a huff and went to his interview, whilst Nick Clegg was at the interview David Cameron said to Nick Clegg's wife "Hey wouldn't it be funny if we prank called Nick Clegg and told him that he had a package to collect in North Korea". Nick Clegg's wife agreed that it would be extremely funny and so they did it. At the interview Nick Clegg picked up the phone and then the prank called happened. Nick Clegged hung up the phone and was so overcome with emotion and rage that the O.K magazine person had to give him a bucket to collect his tears with. The O.K Magazine Person then kept the bucket so that she could sell bags of his tears to homeless children in africa at an extortionate price.
Nick Clegg then woke up again and realised that he was actually in the House Of Commons and everyone was looking at him with their mouth wide open cause he was talking the whole dream in complete detail. He ran out of the House Of Commons crying and nobody has seen him for days. I know that it is true because I watched BBC Politics today and I wanted to tell you the story because I need an exclusive to make my blog look good. So I hope you enjoyed this completely exclusive story and tune in next time where I will be talking about something.
On a serious note: Never trust a politician.
One day Nick Clegg was sitting in the bath washing himself and he heard someone knocking on the door and then he said come in and then the person opened the door and it was his friend David Cameron completely naked. Nick Clegg smiled at David Cameron then other things happened which I can't say on here beause this website is rated U. Nick Clegg then woke up in the bath and actually found out that he was holding this battered sausage that he was in the middle of eating but didn't actually manage to finished because he drifted off to sleep.
He started crying a bit then there was another knock on the door, he said open up again and it was David Cameron and again he was completely naked, David Cameron was grinning from ear to ear then he said to Nick Clegg "I want you to do things to me baby" but Nick Clegg refused because he said that he had a wife, children, and was brought up with better morals than that.
He then woke up again and realised that he was still actually in the bath and nothing like that was happening. There was another knock on the door and it was David Cameron again and this time it wasn't a dream. This time David Cameron was pissing himself laughing whist pointing at Nick Cameron and then David Cameron said "Haha I drugged you with sleeping pills" he also pointed at a hidden camera in the corner of the bathroom which Nick Clegg didn't even notice. David Cameron then told Nick Clegg that he and Nick Cleggs wife were watching him have his dreams in a secret room Nick Clegg got out of the bath and got dressed then he pointed at David Cameron and said "Well I don't give a dam I've got an interview with O.K magazine in like 10 minutes see ya"
Nick Clegg stormed off in a huff and went to his interview, whilst Nick Clegg was at the interview David Cameron said to Nick Clegg's wife "Hey wouldn't it be funny if we prank called Nick Clegg and told him that he had a package to collect in North Korea". Nick Clegg's wife agreed that it would be extremely funny and so they did it. At the interview Nick Clegg picked up the phone and then the prank called happened. Nick Clegged hung up the phone and was so overcome with emotion and rage that the O.K magazine person had to give him a bucket to collect his tears with. The O.K Magazine Person then kept the bucket so that she could sell bags of his tears to homeless children in africa at an extortionate price.
Nick Clegg then woke up again and realised that he was actually in the House Of Commons and everyone was looking at him with their mouth wide open cause he was talking the whole dream in complete detail. He ran out of the House Of Commons crying and nobody has seen him for days. I know that it is true because I watched BBC Politics today and I wanted to tell you the story because I need an exclusive to make my blog look good. So I hope you enjoyed this completely exclusive story and tune in next time where I will be talking about something.
On a serious note: Never trust a politician.
Wednesday 23 May 2012
Wednesday is the worlds best day.
And tomorrow will be the worlds worst day because it is not Wednesday. It is absolutely horrible to think that tomorrow I won't be sitting here like I am looking forward to an evening of drunken debauchery in the worlds most classiest club Cheapskates, instead tomorrow I will probably be reminising about how good this night out was and how there was no drama and how nobody got killed (I've probably said that now). But I'm going to go out tonight and I will make an another review about it tomorrow for you all to read and I am very excited and the reason why I havn't made it a facebook post is because the weird one will follow me so instead i am making it on here. Sorry that this post is a bit lazy but I am too busy grinning to myself about the night to come. You will read all about it here.
Saturday 19 May 2012
Why Morrissey is my favourite slut ever.
Morrissey is an amazing man because he was in a band and they were cooled the The Smiths and the reason why I said cooled instead of called is because it is really cool to like this band called The Smiths. But anyway I'm not even shitting you when I say that Morrissey is an amazing person he is actually one of my idols or something, I just really love Morrissey so I thought I would do an article about this kind of thing cause it get's the young hip people going and me being young and hip myself and living in London cause London is very hip. London is a nice place to live and so is Manchester which is why Morrissey was born, he was born because of Manchester existing then he met this guy called Jonothan Marr and together they united as one superhero force and made some really good pop tunes which I like. My favorite Smiths song is had to choose but I really love William, It really was nothing because I think it really is something. Morrissey is a bit of a mental guy though, when I saw him at Glastonbury he played Meat Is Murder which is a really shit song about vegitarianism. No offence to vegitarians but I fucking hate the way that they go around at parties and act all cool and stuff. At meal times it's fucking difficult to please a vegitarian and they sit there all smug like because you've made a different meal for them to everyone else. They are cunts but I love everyone including Vegitatians, a few of my friends are Vegitarians so it's alright I can say what I like about them. Anyway I love The Smiths so tune in next time for my next reading.
Friday 18 May 2012
Haydn's really good idea of the day: Discount Drugs
I don't see why the government has made drugs illegal because let's face it you can make a shit load of money out of Dealing Drugs. Obviously this isn't from personal experience but my friend deals Cannabis and I can tell you he makes like 150 pounds at a time, he is a rich bastard and I reckon if I dealt Cannabis I would be filthy rich too but I just don't get how shops like Tesco's, Sainsbury's or Asda havn't caught on to the fact that dealing drugs is a fucking brilliant money maker. I can just imagine Tesco's doing Tesco's value cannabis or heroin or something, I just find it a bit annoying that stores havn't caught on to this obviously brilliant idea but obviously when they read this they will think it's amazing and want to do it cause they will probably read it so here it is. My next post will be about something else that is highly relevant and shit. Stay tuned.
Thursday 17 May 2012
Things I can't fucking wait for
Hey guys at the moment I'm feeling really down. I have only 120 pounds in my bank account, no house to move into at the moment and no bitch to make me a sadwitch (Just kidding I'm not that kind of guy lol) and the reason why I said sadwitch was because I am feeling quite sad at the moment so instead of sitting here and wollowing in my own anxiety I decided to write another riveting post about things of real importance to everyone. This is my another list and this time it is about things I can't wait for because I need something to cheer me up. The reason why the numbers on the list is in capitol letters is because.
NUMBER ONE: The curry I am going to have later.
Curry is a really important part of our culture and we actually invented it, hence why you get loads of indian take aways nowadays. I love Indian people so therefore I have decided to microwave a curry later to celebrate Indian culture. So this is number one.
NUMBER TWO: Going to ATP next week
All Tommorows Parties is an absoluetley brilliant festival where you can see loads of bands and shit that no one knows and everyone pretends that their all hip and cool and stuff and I'm going to go to ATP to do just that.
NUMBER THREE: Going to Cheapskates next week.
I can't really remember much of when I went to Cheapskates but that was because I was passed out on this sofa most of the time but Cheapskates is an absolutely wanderous place in Soho that's only there on Wedesdays, Vodka and Cokes are only £1.00 and you can get absolutely shit faced really quickly which is why I am going again and I will probably end up passing out like last time but that's well funny and people will respect you more in society for doing this.
NUMBER FOUR: Queen Josh's Party next week.
Basically my friend at Uni is having a party and we all have to dress up in suits or something. I've got a suit and I am dressing up, there is going to be this paddling pool with loads of booze in and I will take loads of booze from the paddling pool and will probably pass out again. So basically that's two nights a week I will be passing out, which makes me the height of the Alpha Male in today's society.
NUMBER FIVE: Nothing else really
Basically I'm just really looking forward to life in general. I may have 120 pounds or whatever but that doesn't mean I can't have a good time, I realist that I was being an absolute cretin for moaning about it and now I am raring to take up the challenge of being a skint and I will just see how it goes. I might find other ways of making money like maybe starting up a Covers band with people and playing shit gigs at pubs.
So anyway there you had it. I told you writing this would make me happier and it has, check out my next post where I will be talking about more interlectual shit like this init. Goodbye.
NUMBER ONE: The curry I am going to have later.
Curry is a really important part of our culture and we actually invented it, hence why you get loads of indian take aways nowadays. I love Indian people so therefore I have decided to microwave a curry later to celebrate Indian culture. So this is number one.
NUMBER TWO: Going to ATP next week
All Tommorows Parties is an absoluetley brilliant festival where you can see loads of bands and shit that no one knows and everyone pretends that their all hip and cool and stuff and I'm going to go to ATP to do just that.
NUMBER THREE: Going to Cheapskates next week.
I can't really remember much of when I went to Cheapskates but that was because I was passed out on this sofa most of the time but Cheapskates is an absolutely wanderous place in Soho that's only there on Wedesdays, Vodka and Cokes are only £1.00 and you can get absolutely shit faced really quickly which is why I am going again and I will probably end up passing out like last time but that's well funny and people will respect you more in society for doing this.
NUMBER FOUR: Queen Josh's Party next week.
Basically my friend at Uni is having a party and we all have to dress up in suits or something. I've got a suit and I am dressing up, there is going to be this paddling pool with loads of booze in and I will take loads of booze from the paddling pool and will probably pass out again. So basically that's two nights a week I will be passing out, which makes me the height of the Alpha Male in today's society.
NUMBER FIVE: Nothing else really
Basically I'm just really looking forward to life in general. I may have 120 pounds or whatever but that doesn't mean I can't have a good time, I realist that I was being an absolute cretin for moaning about it and now I am raring to take up the challenge of being a skint and I will just see how it goes. I might find other ways of making money like maybe starting up a Covers band with people and playing shit gigs at pubs.
So anyway there you had it. I told you writing this would make me happier and it has, check out my next post where I will be talking about more interlectual shit like this init. Goodbye.
Wednesday 16 May 2012
Having a proper gander at Propaganda
Basically it's been fucking ages since I've done a post on here (a whole day I think) and I think that I should fucking make a fucking post because I'm a nice guy and people want to hear loads of shit about my life even though they probably don't really give a dogs bacon. But anyway, here is another pleasant post by me Haydn Davies but this time it is not a post but it is, it's actually a review of a night out that me and my Pop Music Pal's and a few tag alongs went to and it is from start to finish so let's enjoy it while we can eh? I don't really know how to make it funny because to be perfectly blunt it was just an average amazing night out at a fucking great Indie club where I would go to again.
Basically I made the event a few weeks prior to the event actually happening and this was to attract loads more people but little did I know that only 6 people would come along with a few people who would join us later on at the club a bit later. So anyway we sat in Adams room and I suggested that we should play a drinking game as I usually do but everyone fucking ignored me and Adam had to go to work because he had to get work done, so anyway I had a booze in my hand and so I drank it then I went back to my bedroom and got another peice of booze to take on the club journey which successfully got confiscated. So we were sitting on the bus taking loads of wild photo's and we did and then we got off the bus and onto the tube and we were still taking loads of shit photos for no apparent reason, Jamie kept on making me do these poses and I really didn't know why and I was getting quite irritated to be frank.
We got off the tune and then headed to Spoons where we sat and drank quite a bit, I suggested that we commence International rules which got me in a bit of a state to be honest, so we wandered out of the pub and went to the offy to get some more peices of booze, I got some booze aswell and I got mine confiscated again which really put me in a foul mood cause I had nothing to drink on the train. So I was sitting on the train slowly sobering up which was annoying then we decided to get off the train to go to the urinate, so we found this really dingy looking alley way and I'm surprised that I didn't get raped or anything (I made a rape joke on the internet sorry girls).
So anyway we got off at Angel, and for fucking ages we were lost which was really irritating so we eventually found the club and the security was dickheads as usual and we set off and had a night out. I thought Vodka and Coke was 1 pounds 50 at this place but that turned out to be false advertising and I ended up paying 3 pounds 50 for one vodka and coke which pissed me off, but it was OK cause it still got me drunk. The rest of the night was spend getting wasted and in a state, then Sam decided to do some really outrageous dancing which I found hilarious and then I got an accidental free beer from Joe which I owe him. Then we had enough so we headed to McDonalds and got a taxi home.
As you can tell from above, it was pretty average night out getting wasted and having a good time, I did this really weird thing where I was passed out but I was standing up but I can't really remember it. All in all it was a very good night out and I liked the part where stuff happened. I got the club vibes again but can't go out because I have no money but when I do I will be sure to do a review about it on here because I know you all really give a shit. Check out my next post where I will be saying more stuff about something. Goodbye.
Monday 14 May 2012
Hockey Players
Ok so this is a bit of a rant really, I don't get annoyed very often and when I do it's for a good reason like I run out of Bacon, but this thing just takes the biscuit. About 10 hockey players have just moved in to my Uni and Eugine the infamous black man was behind the move. They are going to be loud and obnoxious and if they think that they can get away with it they've got another thing coming, so I've pretty much come up with a plan to make their stay here as miserable as possible, and make them not want to act like complete twats. I know one Hockey Player and he is alright and shit but I bet these people are wankers. So here is a list of the top 5 things that I or anyone in Sassoon should do to make them have a really shit time in Sassoon. Here it is:
1. Take them on a night out but go to The Tavern.
2. Post threatening messages under their doors to make them scared then they run away.
3. Chuck eggs in the shower so that when they go for a shower their feet get all Eggy.
4. Tell really crap jokes to them so that they think we are all weird and will want to leave.
5. Ask awkward questions about their families back home so that they all think we are weird and want to leave.
6. Smoke loads of pot and pretend that we are all druggies.
7. Give them evils/hate full looks so that they feel threatened and want to leave.
8. Get them drunk then get them to have a night out in Brixton.
9. Bang on their doors loads at ridiculous times in the morning like 5AM or something, without waking anyone else up who actually lives in Sassoon obviously.
10. Take a dump.
I reckon if we did all of these things they would have a really miserable time and will want to go home so here is my blog. My next post is going to be about something but I'm not sure what yet. Goodbye.
1. Take them on a night out but go to The Tavern.
2. Post threatening messages under their doors to make them scared then they run away.
3. Chuck eggs in the shower so that when they go for a shower their feet get all Eggy.
4. Tell really crap jokes to them so that they think we are all weird and will want to leave.
5. Ask awkward questions about their families back home so that they all think we are weird and want to leave.
6. Smoke loads of pot and pretend that we are all druggies.
7. Give them evils/hate full looks so that they feel threatened and want to leave.
8. Get them drunk then get them to have a night out in Brixton.
9. Bang on their doors loads at ridiculous times in the morning like 5AM or something, without waking anyone else up who actually lives in Sassoon obviously.
10. Take a dump.
I reckon if we did all of these things they would have a really miserable time and will want to go home so here is my blog. My next post is going to be about something but I'm not sure what yet. Goodbye.
Friday 11 May 2012
Travelling
You may wonder "Why the hell has Haydn got the weird Italy pictures as his background when this blog has no relation to traveling what so ever" Well I will tell you something now, I go traveling all the time. Yesterday I traveled from Horsham up to my Uni and it was a right laugh, I was sitting there on the train just listening to my Ipod and having a brilliant time, and today as well I traveled from my room to the kitchen and met a ginger guy called Tom and probably a gay person who I shall not name. Anyway I go traveling all the time and I have loads of stories to tell you which I wont tell because I'm that kind of guy, I traveled to South gate yesterday just because I wanted to go to the KFC and I got some chicken then almost had food poisoning again and luckily I didn't get food poisoning. Then I traveled from the KFC to ASDA to shop for some groceries but I had enough groceries to last me ages so I just brought some booze, then I traveled from ASDA back to halls where I stayed there. As I said before, Traveling is a part of my every day life, sometimes I travel short distances and sometimes I travel long distances and tonight I am traveling to Angel to go to this club or something. I love Traveling because it really excites me seeing new places but I guess you all wont understand because you don't go Traveling and I'm better than you cause I go Traveling. If you like Traveling then look out for my next post where I don't know what I'm going to be talking about yet. Goodbye.
Thursday 10 May 2012
How david Cameron Looks like a fish in a condom
David Cameron was born yesterday but he is also a very important leader in this country. I really don't like him though purely because he is a communist or whatever and he hates people and stuff. Why did he have to scrap the public innformation adds and shit. And why did he look like a fish in a condom. All of the people say that I am a really insensitive guy and shit but I just hate him because he is pure bollocks. He goes around telling loads of random people what to do and he chars loads of shit if your reading this. I know I chat loads of shit and I fucking know it but I fucking hate David Cameron for various different reasons as shown above. He wants to tell people his stupid propaganda about life and shit, he is a squirrel with an STD and his shit is shit. He just comes out with these random shit and it's not nice for people to hear cause they will probably believe it but if your don't believe it then it's called being cool and stuff. All coo l people don't believe in David Cameron but I think that is true. If you don't believe in David Cameron then read my next blog as I will be talking about religion.
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